Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Telling people

So, if you couldn't tell from reading everything at "What the H is going on?," I have been having mixed emotions about telling people.

I had a hard time telling KW.

I struggled about when to tell my parents (story to come).

But a big thing about telling people is fear:
Fear that this baby might not make it past the tumultuous first trimester and I would have to go about telling people bad news and taking sympathy (which I don't do well-but really who does? Shirley Maclaine maybe?)

Fear that people would judge me as one of those judgey breeders that lurk here. The Breeders say things like, "Oh you don't have kids, but don't you want them...everything is insignificant compared to motherhood...." I know that I take things wrong, but I didn't want to be part of this club that I had grown to hate over the past few years. I didn't want to be lumped in as one of them.

I also don't take squealing very well. You tell someone you are pregnant and if they don't have a Y chromosome their voice goes up 6 octaves. When I was first pregnant and scared of miscarriage at every step, I just couldn't match the enthusiasm. To be fair I was also dealing with, "YEAH, but we might have to have this kid overseas or in another state...and I don't know when I'll know where I am going to be!!!!" To say there was a lot to process in a small amount of time would be a fair assessment.

Needless to say, now that it is out...I am happy that I don't have to hide things from people (probably would have been nice when I was super nauseous), but people get upset that I didn't tell them sooner or that I am not jumping up and down or they want to ask questions (they are just polite, making conversation questions, but i just want to drop the bomb and then change the subject-I don't want to make the conversation about me).

I had one person ask, "they why did you blog about it?" Because, dear readers, this is where I talk about it. This is where I put my thoughts in some sort of disorganized form. This is where I ask advice and seek attention. Why here and not the real world? Maybe cause I can ignore this if I want to and the ostrich inside me likes that!

I was thinking of doing a series of posts asking y'all questions: birthing stories, opinions on controversial issues, etc. I know that those are opening cans of worms, but I'd rather open them myself than have them spilled down the front of my clean shirt.

So, first question for the blogosphere (and I know I've asked it before for a friend), which books on pregnancy, birth and babies did you love or hate? What would you recommend?


Anonymous said...

Hey TRS! I loved, loved, loved What to Expect When You're Expecting and The Natural Pregnancy Book by Aviva Jill Romm. The Natural Pregnancy Book has tons of information on holistic approaches to health during pregnancy and was a great companion for my crunchy side :)

the ben show said...

I am liking Heading Home with your Newborn. It's like "what the heck do I do with this thing?!" I understand how hard it would be telling people. I felt the same way with adoption - there's a huge "jinx" fear and then I (unlike Shirley) also hate receiving sympathy. Hang in there, Dopps, it will all be FINE.

GranolaGirl said...

Sorry, I was totally a squealer. You are going to be a great mom!!

Happy belated mothers day, my friend.

(if you're contemplating being crazy and going natural, we read Natural Birth the Bradley Way)

Krystyn said...

I like the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy.. it's very factual. I didn't want somebody's opinion about exercise, etc...like the girlfriend's guide.

And, get used to the squeals..they only come more frequently. Oh, and people telling you their opinions!

But, happy first Mother's Day!

Anonymous said...

I won't squeal, but I definitely think you should enter McMommy's giveaway for KDubs... who just might appreciate a Daddy Diaper Changing Toolbox! http://mcmommyandme.blogspot.com/

Love, Cita

Formerly Gracie said...

Well, I for one am glad it's out in the open now :-)and you go ahead and set whatever tone you want. I've found that if you're not forthcoming, most people will back off.

It's so annoying when, say... someone you barely know is pushing natural child birth on you EVER SINGLE TIME YOU SEE HER and you really don't want to hear anymore about it. Not that I would know anything about that... ha!

Anywho, my favorites are "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears, along with anything else from his series, and the AAP's "Caring For Your Baby and Young Child, Ages birth to five". I use them both as references.

Hugs, but no squealing.

greenkiddo said...

ummm yeah, so I sort of missed the "big annoucment!" I just saw your comment on my blog and put two and two together! CONGRATS (said with no squealing at all)! When are you due?? Fill me in!