Thursday, February 17, 2011

Burning a Hole in my Credit Card

In preparation to getting back to Vienna, I am buying so much stuff it is unbelievable.

Seriously, I can't be stopped.

To streamline the moving/flying process every 6 months, I have been winnowing down my possessions each time we land somewhere.  So I am making up for lost items.  AND...

Cdubs is always growing and clothes here are so cheap and cute (comparatively) I stock up for 3 seasons and 2 sizes ahead of time!  Grandma is always helping too.  AND...

Now that I am not in maternity clothes, nursing clothes, pre-pregnancy work clothes, and I can't fit a LOT of my pre-preggo casual clothes (stupid flub), I need new clothes.  So the point comes:

WHAT DO YOU WEAR!?!?!  When you don't want to be this size, need to be able to run around with a kid, travel friendly, and still cute!?!?! 

I would appreciate any ideas.

My wallet wouldn't.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Friend or Mother

My life seems to be doing a tango with these two roles of my many ways.

1.) Can you be a good friend and a mother to an old friend that isn't one?
Yes, but it can be tricky.
2.) Can you mother your friends? and is that not so good?
Yes on both accounts.  I am guilty of mothering everyone.
3.) And this is the big one: Can you be friends with your mother?
I so badly want to be, but I do not think that my mom and I will have that relationship.  I have point-blank asked her, "can we be friends?" And she said, "No, I will always be your mother, and I don't want to be your friend."

My mom and I have always had a more difficult relationship.  She says it is because we are so much alike. I always thought that was untrue, until now.  Because we are so alike, she wants to change me into a better version of herself.  To fix all of the faults she sees in the both of us.  I get this feeling, but I don't like it.  While I don't like that, I also do not like that we are so alike because I don't want to do the things she does, I don't want to have her exact life.  So part of our fighting is me rebelling against being "like her"...which probably makes me more like her...It is a vicious cycle.

My mother and I will always have a difficult relationship because I will want to please her and be her friend and more than just her daughter, and she will not want those things.

My question to the universe and my prayer to God is "can you be friends with your daughter?"

I want to be a friend and a mother to my daughter.  Not the Gilmore Girl version...that is weirdly co-dependent.  But I want to be someone my daughter trusts, comes to for advice and not judgement, can feel safe with me and have fun too.  I do not want to be the mom who tries to be a teenager friend...I will not try to be cool (I have never been that)...but I so badly want to find that balance.

Do you have that relationship with your mom? your daughter?  How did you get it? 

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Getting Ready

Flight back to Vienna: almost booked.
Packing: to be commenced.
Scared about going back: oh yeah.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Note to self

Even when you feel alone in this world and people don't seem to get you, there will be a friend out there who knows what you are talking about.

When you say, "OMG, I am going through _______."  They will understand your feelings and be able to verbalize it better than you can.  And surprisingly enough it will not be the person you expect or who is in the exact same position as you...but you will feel validated and well....not crazy.

While I know that God never gives us more than we can handle, I am learning that God gives us people along the way to make us happier, better, and stronger.