Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Broadcasting Live From Vienna

So I came back to Vienna with Kdubs...
Not only did my dad insist, who is out of the hospital and is doing okay...

When I decided to stay with my family, I got an immediate and overwhelming feeling that the decision was wrong.  And that was weird.

I had been dreading my leave date, and I thought that staying would make me elated!

I realized very quickly that keeping Cdubs away for an indefinite amount of time from her dad was not good or that I would not be very effective helping my family without him. 

I know I made the right decision...the flight over was great...she travels like a dream.  Now, I wish she would sleep long enough to let me dream for real :-)

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers over the last few weeks.  I appreciate it.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Up and Down

Dad came home on Saturday....and it was wonderful.

And then...I got sick on Sunday....on top of the baby not sleeping at all.  She is getting up every hour or two crying....when we flip her back on her stomach and pat her back, she is fine.  But this is getting old!

Then on Monday he had some problems with his heart rate. They told us to come to the ER.  They gave him some medicine and sent him home in a few hours.

After three days of feeling gross and not sleeping, I needed sleep. I went to bed early early only to not be woken by the baby but my mom saying they needed to go to the hospital.  Dad was having another episode.

My mom is not a good person to wake up at certain times at night.  There are hilarious stories about my dad telling her it was her turn to turn off my monitor (I was on a breathing monitor for many months as a baby) mom turned off the VHS...came back to bed and socked my dad in the stomach.  Last night was similar.  She couldn't find certain documents even though they were in her hand.  She freaked out about leaving her glasses at home and wanted to drive back before dropping off my is not good.

We are getting ready to go back to Vienna on, I'm not sure what to do.

He has been checked into the hospital for a few days because his heart rate is not stabilizing.  To say this sucks is an understatement.

I will be honest...I was not thrilled about going to Vienna again and leaving my it seems impossible to do.

My dad says, "you are not a medical are not needed." 
Kdubs says, "If you need to stay, stay."

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I have no idea what to do.

Do I stay and let Kdubs go on without me?  That means, a.) being away from him...b.) going back to Vienna by myself...c.) no knowing when we are going to be back together in a "norm" again.

Do I go and not be here for my family?  What if they DO need me?  What if...

I am putting my faith in that God will make this decision clear before Sunday. 
But I am also praying for more sleep...I'm not sure which I am praying for harder.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Waiting for my dad to come home

I was EXTRAORDINARILY blessed with a dad who kept banker's hours...sometimes even less than banker's hours.

He was home to play with us before the sun went down.
He came to every game or recital.
He took us to practices.
He helped us with homework.

Until recently, he took one trip a year to Las Vegas with his best friend for the Super Bowl.  His current job mandates that he travels more (and it was a big shock to the family when that started--even though we were all high school age or older).

As many children, my brothers and I would wait by the window when my dad was away (for the weekend or for a day).  We would cheer at the sight of his car and bombard him when he came through the door (if not the driveway). 

I am so happy he is doing well after surgery.  He is being discharged today and will stay in a neighboring hotel for a few days to make sure no complications arise.

We are just waiting for him to come home...and it feels like I'm in elementary school again, waiting by the window.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Dad's big heart***update***

So, my dad is going through heart surgery tomorrow.

He was diagnosed a few years ago with a genetic disorder called hypertrophic cardiacmyopathy.

Tomorrow, he goes through open heart surgery to thin the middle wall of his heart.

To say I am scared, is an understatement....I am scared sh*tless.

When he left on Sunday...and he said, "well if I don't see you next week, I'll see you in a 50-60 years in heaven."

This is why I hate him and love him all in the same moment.  He is hilarious and strong and wonderful.

This was him while I was laboring: cool and calm and collected.
That is my dad.
Until he walked in the room with my legs up in stirrups getting stitches after labor...he blanched and turned tail so fast...he doesn't love blood or me being hurt...

But he loves Cdubs.
He gave her her first nickname: Monkey baby.
He walked into the room and said, "where is my monkey baby?"
He is so great with her.  He is the first one I left Cdubs with for any extended time (a dentist appt.).  He loves to put her in the crook of his arm and rock her in the chair and "bristle" kiss her on the back of her neck.  

He is a glue, a lubricant, a teddy bear, a comfort, and an inspiration.

Prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated.

***Dad is out of surgery and doing well--thank you for your prayers***

Monday, June 07, 2010

Sleeping like a big girl

This week is going to be hard,
Not only is my dad going into heart surgery (more on that later), but we are trying to get cdubs to sleep "like a big girl."  No sleep aids.  No wrap, no positioner...we will not be sleeping much, but we haven't all week so we might as well make it productive.

She has learned to love her jumpy machine:
But she loves it so much, that she wakes herself up doing a jump jump motion (to be blunt she looks like she is humping the air when she is lying down). 

So we are hoping that learning to sleep on her own (on her tummy or whatever), will help her to learn to sleep on her own, and get through this exciting period.

We are traveling a lot the next week and then the month after that.  She needs to learn this now rather than later.  Let's hope this works.

***I will be doing a big post about my dad soon.  Please keep him in your prayers.