Tuesday, June 03, 2008

6 Reasons I Hate being a Non-Mom

YEA! Today I am guest blogging at McMommy's. Head over and see if I was able to rise above my pressure.

Because of my added pressure, I had KW read over my post for McMommy before I published it. He thought I was going in two directions and "encouraged" me to divide and conquer. Here is the left over of my old post. Please let me know what you think:

6 Things I Hate about being a Non-mom
6. No Distractions: Having a bad hair day? You moms deflect the eyes to bright eyes and chub cheeks of your little one. Made a bad joke or put your foot in your mouth? You scream, "Show them your newest trick, Toddler Tony!" I also can't get out of social obligations or conversations with a simple, "Oops Jumping Janey needs me...Toots!"
5. All the food in the apartment is mine to consume: There is no one around to eat the Halloween candy/cake/leftover junk. Your kid is disposal for junk food. You should use it to your advantage!
4. I’m the only one that throws tantrums in my house: And those tantrums are little more silly/ridiculous when there is no toddler's irrationality to compare it to.
3. Not being able to stop a man dead in his tracks with my boobs: Size As are not good at snaring a man's attention, but start breast feeding in public and everyone is checking you out! WOOT!
2. No one asks me WHY enough?: Why am I brushing my hair? No one cares. Why do I have to pay bills? Yawn. Why are we at the doctors again? No one notices. Why can't we eat ice cream at 8am? Oh, wait, I can.
1. Too many hours in the day/week available for non-sobriety: You moms can really only drink after you put the little ones down and most likely you or your spouse has to stay reasonably sober in case of emergencies. Sadly, not us, we can drink at 3pm. Both of us. As long as we're not driving. And we are encouraged to and sometimes expected to...that is a lot of extra calories and weight watcher points used.

Yeah, Go ahead and pity me.


Amber said...

BWHWHWHWHWHWHWHW! I feel your pain. Another thing to add is as a non-mom you can't gain any excess weight on a pregnancy. :-)

The Roaming Southerner said...

Yes, your right Amber...all my excess weight is blamed on my lack of self control!

amanda said...

love it!!

two lists in one day! i am a lucky, lucky lady :)

trying said...

another perk of bieng a mom, should we spill something on ourselves while out (or at home and are too lazy to change) we just blame it on the kids. something gets spilled on the sofa or the rug... those darn kids again.

gotta use what you got!

Kate said...

Such a funny post! I especially love #1 :)

morgan said...

great post on mcmommy alex! i too am a non-mom with lots-o-mom buddies. i typically just stalk out a few blogs but never post, however, after a job well-done with mcmommy's task, i wanted to not only boost your tracker stats, but also send you props! yay!

american mum said...

I love this list and your top ten at McMommy. (I think you should have messed around a bit with her layout! :) )

Laski said...

You are so witty! And you just get it . . . Loved reading your post at McMommy's.

Another bonus . . . not getting anything done . . . no cleaning, cooking, nothing. And staying in your PJs all day. Why? Why I was playing with toddler, of course. ALL. DAY. LONG.


Laski said...

Just read some of your other posts. I have to add you to my reader . . .

Belle-ah said...

I love your list...and BTW, I have the minivan and absolutely, 100% HATE it!!!! That is exactly why today I was out test driving a snappy, little car today (as DS2 was doing that eyes rolling up in head-falling asleep - bobbling head thing and making the salesman a bit nervous...but hey, it was mid afternoon and we had been in the pool for 2 hours!) well, that and the gas mileage but trust me the minivan will never a self esteem build.

Anonymous said...

We are having a blast reading these posts, here and the guest post over at McMommy's blog. How you can come up with such wonderful lists - two in one day - is beyond our capacity to grasp, but we are so loving it!
And sorry, but no pity from another in the "No kids to blame it on" club.
Grins & Giggles, TP

McMommy said...

My heart overflowth with love for you and your awesome blogging skillz.

Yea, I said skillz.

For realz.