Friday, October 16, 2009

This is my confession

Here is my confession:
I have not been posting awhile because I have been down.

K-dubs has been in Austria for 2 weeks now. For work. It has not been great. I have been lonely and not sleeping very great. You would think that would be a recipe for blogging all the time, but unfortunately, I haven't been doing much other than working around the house, packing stuff for Austria, and being a little bit of a Mopey Molly.

KW seems to like Austria okay. He is living a bit of a monastic lifestyle of working, living, and sleeping in a plain room with only a bed and a desk. So it has not been a crazy exotic time. He has been working all sorts of weird hours and hasn't gotten over the jet lag.

He has two more weeks.

On top of being down because Kdubs is gone, I am also scared of EVERYTHING! Going into labor with KW not here, labor in general, all the decisions about the baby (finding a Pediatrician, vaccinations, getting all the baby equipment, etc.), getting ready for Austria, visa stuff....

If I start thinking about any of it, I start thinking about all of it. And then I go a bit nuts. But I am wondering if I should start getting some of this stuff off of my mind and heart?!? I would like to get y'all's opinion on things...even though it might be a bit controversial.

Was there anything you were nervous about having a baby, labor, etc?

I am not one of those people that answers "OH DEFINITELY!" to the question, "Are you excited about giving birth?" Of course, I'm excited, but I'm also scared shitless.

I'm ready to meet the baby but I'm scared about all the changes that it will bring.

Is this weird or bad? That I am not 100% without-reservations-excited...I'm nervous too. Any words of advice out there?


Erin said...

If you haven't already, I would definately take a childbirth class together. It relieved a lot of my fears, and I am not as scared anymore.

Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

I agree about the childbirth class. I would also do a baby care class and a breastfeeding class if you can. Those all helped me feel more prepared.

That said, I was still totally freaked out about becoming a mother. It's a big change, and I think people who aren't scared are either in denial or have inaccurate expectations about mommyhood. I'm a worse-case scenario person, and it ended up being easier than I thought it was going to be. Not easy, just better than my worst-case scenario nightmares.

If you want to get together and talk, I'm here :)

Buffalo Betty said...

Oh, Adawg, I wish I had advice but I'll leave that to the mommies who read your blog. I just thought of this poem while reading your post and wanted to share. I'm in awe of you and every other woman who has gone through this lifechanging event!

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
the palm of my hand
The need of my care
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me

laugheveryday said...

Of course you're down... you're bff is far away while you're at your most vulnerable - I totally understand about not feeling the urge to blog when you're de-press-ed. You're going to do great with everything! I know you're overwhelmed. Here is my prescript: Friends Seasons 3-4-5 while you're on bed rest. And hang in there.

Pages' Page said...

I am so impressed at you being so pregnant while your husband is away. You are totally allowed to be down. I'm so glad that he's almost home.
I was TERRIFIED of giving birth; I mean sick to my stomach terrified. It was so much easier than I thought it would be, and I was even in labor for 17 hours. It was really not bad at all.
I was also so scared to bring a baby home and to be the one who is responsible for her all of the time. That is all totally understandable. I think it's mostly the unknown that is so scary. You'll be a fantastic mother!