Friday, May 30, 2008

Carnies, Cabbage, and Babies

Are things that frighten me.
No, I am not one of those people who do not want babies cause they are "icky."

I want 'em despite their ickiness, but they are scary.

Because many of you (ahem, MCMOMMY!) are helping me cultivate that fear with your list of SCARY CRAP THAT BABIES DO AND PRODUCE, you are forcing me to show my hand and explain I don't seem like a nut.

There are three reasons that having a baby frightens the bejesus out of me:
1.) Having the baby: Pregnancy seemed beautiful and natural before I read some of the mom it seems scary and gross (pooping in front of people?!?!?! Come on they should teach that to teenagers in sex-ed...that will scare them into abstinence).
2.)The things babies do. You know, the usual...projectile poop, say the darndest things, take your brain cells...the usual. I know I will come to love and laugh at all of these things in time, but to be honest it is not appealing without the good parts of the baby staring at you too reminding you it is worth it.
3.) The things that could happen to babies. I do not want to screw up my I'm not talking mentally (cause that is just going to happen)...I mean physically. I constantly start doing the what-ifs about what could happen to a kid...(I have tried to write them down, but they are not I refuse). They just freak me out cause it is such a. HUGE. RESPONSE. ABILITY! (I'm not a quick responder and I'm not sure I have the ability to cope.)

Look, I know that everything is in Gods plan, so #3 is really out of my hands...but that does not stop me from fretting. The other two on my list...they make me go like this:

Happy Friday!
Checking in: 05.29.08
The good: stayed so good on my points that I had some left over for wine
The bad: drank more wine than I was supposed to and ate a Slim-a-bear Klondike Bar. I know you are thinking, so what? well I only had some Flex points for it and figured might as well eat it now when I have some points than later when I might not: good logic, Alex.
The sweaty: Did the unthinkable: Got in a bathing suit and went swimming. Yup, scary. But I got some extra points for some extra wine and had fun with the KW.
Weighed in this morning (my scale is not digital so there are some fudging until I can get one): It looks like I lost around 3 lbs.


MommyTime said...

Your graphic is hilarious. And I'm sorry my yukky potty training facts grossed you out. Honestly, though, in the balance, the gross/annoying parts, and the terrifying "what if I broke her?" bits, are such a small proportion of child-rearing (certainly not more than 50% of any given day :), that it IS all worth it in the end.

amanda said...

3 lbs!! yippeee - that's huge!! high fives from kansas :)

as for the mommy stuff..

1. the pooping thing totally freaked me out when someone finally told me. didn't get to experience it bc beans was pulled from the belly instead.

2. oh the things babies do. every day is truly an adventure. and just when you think you have done the grossest of gross things, the top it.

3. and yes it is out of our hands, but any good mommy will tell you, the fretting comes with the job title. and try as you may there is not a single thing you can do to make it stop.

seriously i don't know why you visit us sometimes (but i am glad you do.) although i am kinda really will come into mommyhood way more "smart" than i did :)

Anonymous said...

Oddly enough, a Klondike Slim-a-bear is what I eat when I drink too much wine...Except I call them SLIMY bears :) Dunno why...Just more fun to say.

Way to go on the weight loss!

McMommy said...

Alex, Alex, Alex....this post is just another reason why I love you!! Truly, who is funnier than you? No one, I tell ya.

Just so you know, if and when you DO finally have a baby....I AM SO THERE!

I'm going to be making my self comfy on your couch...drinking wine and eating slim-a-bears and telling you "Look, I TRIED to warn you..."

GranolaGirl said...

funny funny stuff. LOVE the picture. You will be a wonderful mom-- because you're thoughtful, caring, hilrious, and you've got all of us to tell you what you're doing wrong. ha.

Right now I fell like the manic-depressive mom. Sometimes I love my kids so much I'm overflowing with kisses and snuggles, but other times I'm driven so crazy I want to jump out a window. Good thing my house is only 1 story.

Lipstick said...

RS, that pic made me LOL. Don't feel bad about being freaked out a/b the mommy stuff. I was so freaked out that I didn't want kids at all (they just seemed so messy and SO loud)...well, until I got pg. And then of course being a mommy is the most wonderful thing ever. Really.

Dana said...

Ok, I think we should all take pity on you and maybe I'll start a blog post about tips that could help you through. You know, the bestest baby tip you ever got.

Seriously, the thought of being pregnant really scared me, and I worry everyday that something will happen to one of them, but it's a thought in the back of my mind, usually I'm trying to remember why I have them. Then of course you have that frustrated as h*ll moment and they smile at you and you just melt and forget why you were even mad.

I don't think I've ever heard a "real" mother say she would take back having kids for anything. And I think you are a lot like me, wanting to be as prepared as possible, good for you, you'll cope well.

Jen said...

The big picture is that the good outweighs the bad. It may not seem like it when they poop, pee and puke all over you, but it really is not all that bad. If I can do it, anyone can. Oh and my kids are not that screwed up. Yet.

Liz said...

I just found a link to your blog on another blog (can't remember WHO's now.....oh wait, yes I was the one where you won a contest the blogger had). Anyway, I love this blog of yours already...and especially this post. That whole pooping with people staring at your crotch...yeah, it was great fun. BUT, in return I get my very own kid to love on, play with, enjoy, potentially give reasons to need therapy, raise with God and adore.'s worth it.