Last Will and Testament

These are the things I left the people in my office on my last day at work. I will hopefully get one out for all of my DC friends.

Alex’s TFAS Last Will and Testament

Upon my timely demise at the Fund for American Studies, I leave all of my worldly and other worldly goods as follows: (in alphabetical order)

Bradley Beene: To Brawn I leave all of his brawniness and the mack daddy stapler that replaces the one his brawniness broke. I also leave the matador costume to wear throughout August (because of the new “lax” dress code).

CK: I leave you the manual, check logs, Prospect return mail, and really bad letter openers. I also leave you Shana, the ultimate Boss one. I leave you the crazies, the loons, and the Fred-Barnes obsessed donors and non-donors. Cherish them! I also leave “pogging.”

Miss (oh wait, I mean) Cynthia Ramirez: I leave any references of looking like Melissa, and patience in being the go-between Brad and Jason.

Ed: I leave lots of post-it notes of various sizes, pens and highlighters, all computer knowledge I can, and all of the skill of talking to a donor that I have learned from you.

Emily Hill: To the only woman in this office who could fill my shoes, literally, I leave you the wishes of cuter and more fabulous footwear.

Big Ern: To the DJ JAZZY ERIN, I leave endless Pink updates, lots of bad backup singing to accompany you with some toe taping (no whistling, I’m still not there yet.) I also leave all of my random knowledge for QODs. I leave an arsenal of paper clips to chuck at Jay and the hope of many more “your mom” comebacks. And all things from Center Stage and the “bug song.” Always remember that “Bustin’ makes me Feel Good!”

Jackay!: (alrighty!) I leave all of my check log, reimbursement, and other accounting mistakes (hopefully rectified). All of my best “death stares” (taught by the Queen herself) and no more stamp-shortage-freak-outs. I also leave my war with the dry cleaners to the only person who “gets it.” I also leave all culpability of the liquor key cabinet and extra Courvoisier

Jason: I leave all of the round table moving, Britney dancing, and slurpee runs I can muster. And of course, strawberry margaritas.

Jay: I leave all of my ignoring-you-because-it-annoys-you stares, my lackluster high fives, and “yeah sure Turtle.” I also leave all of my appreciation of The BEAT and the search of it to you. I would also leave you a can-and-string-telephone for you and Erin but Erin took my cans to help homeless. I also leave a lot of thanks for always getting the TFAS happy hours started. I also leave you safe wishes for your very fast trips down the stairs.

Jenni: I leave you what little part of CSAD responsibility that I can claim and a lot of fun and lots of fun living with Patty and Robin.

JD: I leave the reign of Southern Royalty of TFAS to you to teach the way to all the Yankees. This is including but not limited to proper speech and food. I also leave all of my stomping on your office ceiling behind to do what you will.

Kristy: I leave the endless updates for CSAD completed and ready to be updated as soon as you return.

Lauren: I leave my envy of your awesome Kate Spade glasses and accessories. I also leave you in the good hands of “The Fund for AmeriCAN STUdies.”

Mary: I leave any competition I have to the best dressed in the office, a quieter office without me bugging you and Patty, and some Easy Mac in my right desk drawer.

Kwasi: I leave you the Lido deck and the proper knowledge of how to use it to its full potential.

Maura: I leave you the hope of a great TFAS experience and all of my envy of your beautiful shoe collection.

Missy: I leave a bunch of ice to crunch, songs to tap too, and tunes to whistle along to. I leave the endless question of “How many people have checked out the newsletter?” I leave the “missy pose” (please take that to Texas, they deserve it!). I also leave a bunch of napkins for spills and a proper amount of Magic Hat beer (and some major Hasselhoff love). And lots of potBELly

Michelle: I leave as much patience as I can spare for the Greek men and their machismo. I also leave an endless amount of McDs and its honey mustard. To keep you warm in you icebox office, I leave you thoughts that I am probably colder in Michigan (and an imaginary pashmina). I also leave you all the knowledge of the world and foreign cultures that you have passed on to me (thanks!).

Patricia: I leave all of the fun that you can have with nametags and a cutting machine. I also leave all the smiles and encouragement that you gave me. Have a great time at school this year!

Pat: I leave the best nickname ever (stance included)! I leave you my share of spazy antics, disappearing oatmeal, and kickball fun. I do not leave you any vodka but lots of Southern Comfort. I also leave you the bobble head dance, gallons and gallons of water at your easy disposal, country music 24/7, and all of the hair ties I stole from you. I leave sweaty Greeks, Spanish Asians, and all of the Irish-albino skin you can stand.

Renee: I leave you one wild trip in New York and the hopes of a great trip to Charleston. I leave you lots of gushes over Amelia and lots of conversations across the office with and without the phone. I also leave the ability to trip over the menacing cube carpet.

Rob: I leave all of my nonprofit status certificates that my vendors needed and you willingly supplied. I also leave all of my computer, Raiser’s Edge, and RSVP line triumphs and downfalls for the past year. I also leave a capable MiniMe to handle your spontaneous happy hour needs.

Robin: The best dintern in my 10 months. I leave lots of filing and copying and eye-rolling. I leave a capable southern belle to argue with Scott. I leave no comprehension that pen and pin are supposed to sound different. I also leave a lot of good wishes about your new job.

Roger: I leave a lot of good thoughts from the Cold-North-Midwest, greater and more diverse items for your present desk, and a greater appreciation for “the Roger-sense-of-humor.” I also leave the not so great way of “Pogging” your signature.

Scott: I leave lots of laughs about Charlie’s antics and wishes for his ability to get his Latin comprehension down by the age of 2. I leave lots of earplugs, groans for noisemaking, and sharpened #2 pencils with perfect erasers. I also leave all the comments on the idiocy in the world, and a lifetime of manly disinfectant.

Shana: I leave a love of spices for the Foodie Queen, a love of Gleen, the manual, baked goods containing no chocolate, hair floofing, the development wardrobe department, everything shiny, and a lot of room in the unprofessional box. “My hand to G-d,” I am leaving you all my hand motions and wild gesticulating, “I’m not going to lie.” I leave you lots of bacon and even more Cosi’s clubs. I leave you my happy meal toy to join the penguin, and ALL of my tissues. (etc.)

Shane: I leave all of the hope and love I have for Michigan, which rides on your endorsement. I hope it will not disappoint. I also leave the organizational knowledge I gleaned from you.

Steve: I leave you control of happy hours, great menu choices, and all of my Juli experiences. I also leave all of the knowledge and wisdom of TFAS that you passed on to me.

Muck: I leave the happy hours and such in your capable hands. I also leave all of your help and eagerness that was much appreciated. I also leave your margaritas (just don’t use that mix again!).