Apple Store Epiphany

KW has recently acquired a MacBook for law school. To say he is tickled pink is an understatement. He (and I) are not technology junkies, but he is convinced of Macs superiority not because of the new commercials (which are funny) but because the design capabilities are great. Like any purchase done by KW, big or small, we had to research, discuss and visit the store 3 times before final purchase. While spending some quality time at the Apple store in Clarendon, I had several epiphanies:

-Apple is like a cult (my brother Jim actually saw this one too.)

-Apple is Technology's equivalent to Abercrombie & Fitch (Loud, crowded, snobbish workers, that is designed to intimidate you)

-There are only 4 type of people who visit Apple Stores

The 4 Types of People That Visit Apple Stores:

1.) The techno nerds that run the joint

Definition: The staff in charge of selling you the goods

Description: Dressed in all black, which enhances their pale-never-seeing-the-sun look, they are typically not well groomed and ready to throw an eye roll in your general direction with your first "huh?"

Demeanor: Equipped with a complete mastery of everything computers, they are their to help/mock you with any of their technological needs. They are there to point out the inadequacies with your old system and the old way of thinking AND ready to REVOLUTIONIZES your life with everything that is APPLE! "Looking around is for the weak," they say, "Let us show you the way to your future." They also walk and talk extremely fast, because like the products they hock, speed is EVERYTHING!

2.) The techno nerds that understand the nerds that run the joint

Definition: The ones that have worked, will work, or wish they worked at the Apple Store.

Description: Dressed in emo, nerdy chic (or all black) with thick rimmed glasses that steam up with excitement at the thought of extra RAM, these staff wannabes LOVE computers as much as the staff but either are a.) too young to work there or b.) have the financial independence to not HAVE to work there. They typically travel in packs, and beware! They will mock you more mercilessly than the staff if you ask a stupid question because they don't have to worry about messing up a sale.

Demeanor: Snooty and young. These techno junkies are armed with the ego of indestructibleness and omniscience: Keep your eyes peeled for sarcasm, folks.

3.) The people who want to be techno nerds

Definition: Like KW (and myself), the wannabe techies would like to be more savvy and have a reliable and good computer. They are simply at the store to shop (or be swindled), not to live...Until they become sucked into the Apple cult and become #2.

Description: These people are typically upper middle class hippie wannabes. You can typically spot them mixing their JCrew $110 sweater with Eddie Bower cargo shorts and new Birkenstocks with the wornout look.

Demeanor: They swagger around the store in mock confidence. Look for it, you can see the fear in their eyes.

4.) The people who do not care about computers and are being dragged in by their loved ones

Definition: These poor souls have become attached with any of the three previous types of people who visit Apple Stores. They are girlfriends, husbands, sisters, brothers, children, etc.

Description: They have the worn out, beaten look of someone who was forced to sit there and feign interest in whatever the person that they are with is checking out. Note, these people are typically clustered on the benches or pod seats looking bored to death (or reading a book--"dude, why would you read when you can like surf the web!" the #1 and #2s think.)

Demeanor: A little scared and a little tired...Try not to yell techno jargon at these people for they may flee to the nearest corner or right out the store.