Thursday, July 20, 2006

A letter to my dark mistress

Dear Diet Coke,

I know we have had many long, drawn out conversations about this at my desk, by the fridge, next to the vending machines. I think you know what is coming. I'm having second thoughts about us. "Oh, yeah!" you say, "I've heard this before." And you are right...I have weebled and wobbled on how I feel about you. I am off the wagon and on the wagon and back off. It is not fair the way I keep dragging our relationship out. You know I can't love you like I do forever. You are just not good for me. You maybe killing brain cells, hurting my immune system, and even causing me to retain the weight that you claim to want me to lose. And they won't let me keep drinking you when I get pregnant (whenever, that is).

Yes, we have had some great times. All those cocktails you've added a delightful fizz too, the slumber parties in high school, and those hot, summer vacations were you have kept me cool. AND YES, you have been helpful. You've kept me awake during cram sessions for school, all nighters, long road trips, and boring days at work...but you have a cost for all of that goodness.

Besides coming between me and my true love (who, you are correct, thinks you are no good for me), you cost a lot to maintain. $1.00-$1.39 to spend time with you on a whim is just not cost effective. Also, I hate to tell you also are dark and sticky. When I spill you (which I inevitably will do), you make everything sticky and even stain! That is the last straw. You just stained my beautiful white linen skirt that remained clean throughout the day, until you came by.

I really think this could be the end of us. Please try to make this easy on me. Stay away...well, after I stop the all night road trip tonight. It's always painful trying to get over someone you love, but I will do my best. Don't worry I will only have good things to say about you and will only think of our good times.




GranolaGirl12 said...

I'm so proud of you. I love "you are also dark and sticky". Thanks for making me laugh, A. Have a safe trip! Will you be blogging on the road?

Diet Coke said...

You have got to be kidding me??? Just like that??? Don't believe what everyone else says about me. Trust your heart, Alex. You know we have a good thing going on here. I mean, why end it so soon. We have years and years ahead of us . . . well, at least that's how I always envisioned it. I always felt like we were good together . . . you know, really good. I always thought we'd be spending the rest of our lives together, Alex. Remember how I cool you down on those hot days? Remember how I help make the alcohol so much sweeter and easier to go down? Remember how I just plain quench your thirst when you really really really need it? The simple fact of the matter is that we're perfect for each other. You know it, I know it, the world knows it. Why listen to what other people say when you can listen to what your heart (and taste buds) say? Be true to your heart, dear Alex. Be true.

Dave said...

Mmmmmm . . . this Diet Coke I'm drinking right now tastes soooooo good.

Anonymous said...

This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.

Rachael said...

Love it! So, two year later, how are you doing? Did you break it off are are you continuing the affair?

I love my diet coke, I just do it caffeine free. Not an ounce of guilt, ever!