So remember

That time when I said I was going to post all of February...I thought I did a good job, until I looked back and it was like 4...4 times.  Wow.

Well, we are back in Vienna again.  And I wanted to wait awhile to post my feelings when I was sure of them.

To be brief: it is better than I expected, better than last time.

Kdubs is available more, Cdubs is able to do more, the acquaintances from before are becoming friends, and we are carving out a life here.

Cdubs is walking and talking and being such a big girl.  She is into EVERYTHING.  Her current obsession is socks.  She loves to get them out, carry them around, chew on them, pull them apart, try and put them on over her already socked feet...

She loves to tear apart drawers that I just put together...she doesn't want to play with toys.  She wants to play with rocks, straws, pot lids...and socks.

She is building up quite a vocabulary. She says (in order of first said): Dada, Mama, Tickle, More, No, Yes, Sock, Shoe (both or just Sah and Shhhh), Uhoh, Pop Pop, Moo, Baybee, and Gaga.

Gaga around here means 2 different things.  It is what she calls my Mother in Law and how she asks for her favorite song:

We try and play just the lyrics now, because that video is FREAKY!  I will admit, I am not a huge fan of Lady Gaga, but when my SIL played it for a 4mo old Cdubs...she went CRAZY. Jumpin' Dancin' and groovin'....now it is no different. And while I don't think it is a great song 'message wise' it has a beat and it kept Cdubs entertained while on the plane...

Oh, did I not mention that?  Yeah, she didn't sleep at all for the 20 hours of travel.

Thank you Gaga...for keeping us sane.

Burning a Hole in my Credit Card

In preparation to getting back to Vienna, I am buying so much stuff it is unbelievable.

Seriously, I can't be stopped.

To streamline the moving/flying process every 6 months, I have been winnowing down my possessions each time we land somewhere.  So I am making up for lost items.  AND...

Cdubs is always growing and clothes here are so cheap and cute (comparatively)....so I stock up for 3 seasons and 2 sizes ahead of time!  Grandma is always helping too.  AND...

Now that I am not in maternity clothes, nursing clothes, pre-pregnancy work clothes, and I can't fit a LOT of my pre-preggo casual clothes (stupid flub), I need new clothes.  So the point comes:

WHAT DO YOU WEAR!?!?!  When you don't want to be this size, need to be able to run around with a kid, travel friendly, and still cute!?!?! 

I would appreciate any ideas.

My wallet wouldn't.

Friend or Mother

My life seems to be doing a tango with these two roles of my life...in many ways.

1.) Can you be a good friend and a mother to an old friend that isn't one?
Yes, but it can be tricky.
2.) Can you mother your friends? and is that not so good?
Yes on both accounts.  I am guilty of mothering everyone.
3.) And this is the big one: Can you be friends with your mother?
I so badly want to be, but I do not think that my mom and I will have that relationship.  I have point-blank asked her, "can we be friends?" And she said, "No, I will always be your mother, and I don't want to be your friend."

My mom and I have always had a more difficult relationship.  She says it is because we are so much alike. I always thought that was untrue, until now.  Because we are so alike, she wants to change me into a better version of herself.  To fix all of the faults she sees in the both of us.  I get this feeling, but I don't like it.  While I don't like that, I also do not like that we are so alike because I don't want to do the things she does, I don't want to have her exact life.  So part of our fighting is me rebelling against being "like her"...which probably makes me more like her...It is a vicious cycle.

My mother and I will always have a difficult relationship because I will want to please her and be her friend and more than just her daughter, and she will not want those things.

My question to the universe and my prayer to God is "can you be friends with your daughter?"

I want to be a friend and a mother to my daughter.  Not the Gilmore Girl version...that is weirdly co-dependent.  But I want to be someone my daughter trusts, comes to for advice and not judgement, can feel safe with me and have fun too.  I do not want to be the mom who tries to be a teenager friend...I will not try to be cool (I have never been that)...but I so badly want to find that balance.

Do you have that relationship with your mom? your daughter?  How did you get it? 

Getting Ready

Flight back to Vienna: almost booked.
Packing: to be commenced.
Scared about going back: oh yeah.

Note to self

Even when you feel alone in this world and people don't seem to get you, there will be a friend out there who knows what you are talking about.

When you say, "OMG, I am going through _______."  They will understand your feelings and be able to verbalize it better than you can.  And surprisingly enough it will not be the person you expect or who is in the exact same position as you...but you will feel validated and well....not crazy.

While I know that God never gives us more than we can handle, I am learning that God gives us people along the way to make us happier, better, and stronger.

14 months old

Someone is 14 months old!!!!

She is so much fun at this age.  Here are her stats:
-Around 26-27lbs.
-Signs: More, Please, Thank You, All Done, Water, (we are working on Again), Love (looks like blowing kisses).
-She loves to point to different body parts-Nose is a favorite, as shown above.
-Babbles constantly, says Dada, Mama (rarely), Dog, Nice, Night Night (NI-NI), Val (my sister in law), and her favorite: Tickle.  The girl loves to tickle herself, me, and everyone around her.
-She loves to dance.  Her all time favorite is still Lady Gaga's Bad Romance.  I don't know where she heard it first, but it has always calmed her down.  She loves to hear any music. She even loves to hear me sing, which is really something.
-She is almost done with nursing (I think).
-Loves to eat.  Loves veggies and fruits and is learning about meats...still not sure about them.
-She has 7 teeth.  She got her 2 Top-Front first, her 2 Bottom-Front second, her next 2 uppers, and out of nowhere a molar.  I am telling you, this girl does nothing by the book.
-She mostly crawls or hangs on to walk everywhere.  Likes to climb stairs...and wants to walk on her own, but she doesn't trust herself yet.
-And as always clapping and peekaboo are the best amusement.

I'm an Ostrich

  

Ms. Nobody Care: "Why haven't you been posting lately TRS?"

TRS: "Well, I have been hiding my head in the sand so I do not have deal with all the stuff that is going on."

Mr. Ex-Reader: "Isn't that the point of a blog?  To tell people who don't know you all your problems and thoughts and feelings?"

TRS: "Yes, old friend, you would think so.  But I can not do it.  Half of the things that are going on are so up in the air that it isn't worth mentioning because it will probably not happen and the other half scares the pants off of me (which we've dealt with (controversially for me) here). And when I get scared, I hide.  Another reason I don't want to post is because I am not sure if anyone reading would be too close or would know people that I am dealing with (friends, family, inlaws) and be offended that I aired out my grief to the world.  It is one reason I never put something on the internet about my parents or Kdubs or brothers when we are fighting (which happens) because eventually you make up and things are forgotten...except when it is read by the masses (all two of you). 

Mrs. Lone Reader: "But I want to know these things or at least have updates on Cdubs?!?"

TRS: "My big problem is that I am a go-big-or-go-home kind of person.  And I have not been able to go-big on this blog. I haven't done the redesign I wanted to because I have lost access to my software (AHEM, Kdubs stealing my old computer to Austria--and I'm too lazy/busy when he is home to do it).  I have so many projects that I want to do that I get overwhelmed and do nothing.  And then I get upset and bury my head in the sand.  Like I said, 'I AM AN OSTRICH.'"

But here, I am challenging myself for the month of Feb. (a small month) to post 5 days of the week.  Doesn't have to be mind blowing, but it needs to be SOMETHING.

So I am sticking my head out of the sand, cleaning out my ears, and stretching my fingers...

Got Milk?

Yesterday, I went out and got organic whole milk to introduce the baby to sippy cups (we do straw cups with water).  I was kinda hoping to lead her towards weaning.  I really want her to lead the process, but I thought she might like a new option. 

So, I gave her a traditional sippy cup with milk...hated it.  Then, her straw cup with milk...nope. 

I just gave her a snack and some water and hoped to try it again tomorrow. 

An hour later, she came up to me and laid her head down on my shoulder.  There are many things my girl is: brave, strong, resilient, smart, curious.  However, she is not cuddly.  She likes to be held but rarely does she lay down on me.  Instead, she wants to look around and explore.  She has always been this way.  So this sudden cuddliness was sweet but accompanying some moaning and whining got me thinking...what is up, Cdubs? 

All the sudden it hit me...SHE WANTS TO NURSE!  She has never been really vocal about it because we have a schedule and on a rare occasion when teething and I'll nurse her to help a girl out.  But it really hit me hard.  SHE WASN'T READY!

I think part of it is because she doesn't really have a lovey or attachment item.  So, I guess it is me!  Nursing is her safe base, her comfort, and her constant in a very changing world that the three of us live in.

I didn't think we'd nurse this long...but on we go...nursing past 12 months!

Happy Birthday Cdubs

A year ago today...we were blessed beyond measure.

We had a pre-birthday party after thanksgiving dinner.  And my godmother made Cdubs the same birthday cake she made me for my first birthday. 

She was not in love with all of the sugar...and mess.  She is her mother's daughter.





To say that I am so in love with my life as a mom and my daughter is the biggest understatement.

The Cowardly Lion

There are many reasons that I am cowardly.  Many reasons that I don't do what I am supposed to do: trust in God.

My cowardliness has and will take a toll on my relationships.  So I am putting what I am scared of...out into the blogisphere:

1.) Going back to Austria.
Maybe our lifestyle will sound glamorous or exciting to someone.  However, not sleeping for 5 nights in a row in a hotel, husband and wife being stressed at each other with getting around foreign cities, and a baby striving for routine, does not feel glamorous.

I am scared to my core of going back.  As much as I hate being away from Kdubs for many weeks, I and the baby have thrived being in a stable environment.

2.) Not being a good mom.
I, so much, want to be a good mom and role model to my daughter.  And this takes a lot of thoughts, time, and energy...as it should

3.) Not being a good wife.
The balance between wife and mother is so hard.  When the question becomes, whose needs become more important?!?


There are many other things that I am scared of...but these are the top three.

What are you scared of?

Halloween 2010

 I am a little late on updating about Halloween.  Well, story of my life it seems.  To play catch up:
1.) Kdubs has been gone back to Europe on a 40 day work excursion around Central and Eastern Europe
2.) Cdubs and I have been staying at my parents house in the ATL (we also spend some time with the in-Laws in SC). 
3.) We missed him, but we made it...
4.) CAUSE HE IS BACK!
(and there was much rejoicing...yea!)

We were having a hard time picking out what Cdubs would be for Halloween, and by we, I mean me, my mom, my mother in law and my sister in law.  Not Kdubs. 

Since I hate making choices, we did two:
1.) (above) was the Monkey for the Monkey Baby, which is what my family calls her.
2.) (to the right) is Dorothy using the dress that Kdubs bought her from Belgium when I was pregnant...yes, before we knew our baby was a girl.

 We already had red shoes and I fashioned a wig out of yarn and a headband...I couldn't figure out how to make the back.  So it is like a reverse mullet.

I was the cowardly lion....fitting, right?

There is a whole post that needs to be written about my cowardliness at the moment.  But I also need to write Cdubs' birth story (now that it is almost a year past), travel tips with a baby, and show you all the craft that has been going on here.
I'll get to it.

But again, I use the Cdubs to distract and entertain:

 

As RuPaul and my great grandmother demonstrated, no one looks as good when the wig comes off.

She always comes to my rescue

This is my friend, Crouton. We have been friends since we were in eighth grade.

We have done a lot of things together, but never on purpose.

We chose to go to the same college (we didn't want to cling to each other so we did not room together), we got married a few years apart (she was my maid of honor, I was her matron), and then we had babies months apart.

Through out our 15 years of friendship, we have had a very unique relationship.  Today, while we were hanging out after several weeks of not being able to set a time (vacationing, sickness, etc), she summed up our relationship perfectly:  We never spent all of the time attached at the hip together.  We ebb and flow.  We would hang out in the spring consistently because in the summer I was at camp and the fall she was doing band.

We had other friends, some of them we didn't agree upon.

But we always were there for each other.  Bad times, good times, birthdays, medical issues.  We know and love eachothers families. 

And now, having babies together, has cemented our friendship. I love seeing the babies together and imagining them being friends as they get older.

Mainly, she is just a great person and a great friend...who has always been there for me.  I am very lucky.

Best Friends

Part of my personality quirkiness is the need to have a best friend.  Maybe it is part of being one of three kids (esp. the oldest with two brothers), but I always felt a little odd-person-out.  And my family moved/I changed schools in those formative years 5th, 6th, 7th grades...so, growing up was a little like a "Where's Waldo?" in trying to find my best friend.

College was wonderful.  I found wonderful friends...almost a dozen best friends. And then my ultimate best friend: Kdubs.

As much as I love having Kdubs as my best friend and now joining the moms club, I realize that I have isolated some of my old friends. 

Combine that with a six hour time difference and months of no-face-time...and I really have very few IRL (in real life) friends to speak of.

I miss having girl friends, ones to shop with, ones to confide in, ones to be silly and girly with...however, I find incredible solace in creating my own little "friend." It gets lonely being a nomad.

While she doesn't necessarily chose to be my friend, I love spending time with her.  And my eternal best friend:

A month gone, too much to post

There has been so much going on with our temporary move stateside.

We are finally getting settled back in the ATL.  It seriously took me almost 2 weeks to unpack.

We have been visiting in-laws and getting our routine re-established.  It has been a bumpy road.

Add to that 2 more part time jobs and getting Kdubs ready to make a 6 week trip back to Central and Eastern Europe...and I am wiped.

We have had a difficult time adjusting to living in a "community" setting again (read: live with my parents and new pseudo-adopted brother).  and I have realized that I have lost a lot of my friends stateside.  People have gotten used to not calling me and seeing me...and that makes re-inserting myself into their lives harder.

I am also somewhat overwhelmed with all the things that I can do with my time here: take classes, start new projects, etc.

And when I am overwhelmed, I hide like an ostrich.  It is one of my lovely personality foibles.

I really should use my blog to release some of that energy, but after hours of database and website work, I just want to be away from the computer.

I would love to hear if anyone is still out there?  Care to de-lurk?

Homeward Bound

Horrible movie (I hate movies with talking, real animals--freaks me out, please don't ask why).

We are heading home in 4 days!  4 DAYS, people!
And Cdubs and I will be there for close to 6 months.

Part of my plans for being home include a bunch of classes.
I am taking cooking classes with my dad (this was Kdub's gift to me for my birthday) and sewing classes with my sister in law.  I have never sewn with a machine before and my mom is giving me one for the last couple of birthdays (she has wanted to give me one for years, but we haven't been in a place to get one before...now, I want to make stuff for Cdubs...so I said, "screw it, I'll just haul it around with me".)

We have so much to do before we get home, and it is going to be a busy time after.  But I am thrilled.
Pictures from the past couple of journeys coming up.

I also need to work on the site revamp and post more...I'm a true slacker.
Please be distracted by the cheeks:

 

let the checks mesmerize you

focus on the cheeks!

Another hotel room, another beer***aka. TRS and Google can't spell

Just days after cutting a sliver of a tooth, Cdubs has loosely agreed to come on a couple of trips with us before we head home on Sept. 19th.

Today, we are in Ljubjana*, Slovenia.  And no, I can not spell that name without the help of Google.
*Kdubs just informed me that even Google got it wrong...it is Ljubljana....something like that.

It is a very small but very pretty city.  It is like all major European cities: it has a picturesque countryside, nice city center square, and a river in the middle.

But Ljubs is like a European city meets Epcot.  It is so clean and almost too picturesque.  It seems like the metrosexual of all the Eastern European cities: well groomed to a point of questionability.

However, tonight, Kdubs is out to a work dinner and I am in a hotel with a sleeping baby, my Kindle and the local beer: Lasko.  It is pretty good.  Def. in the top 5 beers of the Eastern bloc.

Tomorrow, we leave for Zagreb.  Until then, I bid you zbogom (goodbye) and srečno (good luck-in Slovenian).

Distractions

We have less than 20 days until we go back to the States.  This time for a  LOOOOONG visit.  5-6 months!  This means that I need to clean, clean, clean.  I like to leave the apartment IMMACULATE so I can come back to a spotless (although dusty) place.

Before we leave, we are hitting three more countries and the baby has decided to teeth and/or hit a growth spurt that means we are out many hours of sleep.

Needless to say, I have less time for blogging than I would like.  However, I should do it...because I have time...I have just been spending it with my newest internet distractions:

StumbleUpon:  Have you done this yet? It is crazy.  You list your interests and then just hit Stumble! and you get tossed to all sorts of interesting and different sites.  It is the most fascinating thing.  I have found some weird sites, some great sites and some in between.  But it is now this itch I can't stop scratching!  The next stumble will be even better than this one...one more time...and then I'll clean...

From Stumble, I have found the Gawker sites:
Craftgawker: A world of crafty cuteness.  Since my mom is getting me a sewing machine for my birthday, I am on high alert for cute things to learn to create!
Weddinggawker: My SIL is getting married this winter...and I am hooked.
Foodgawker:  It is like asking the internet, "what should I make today?"  With beautiful pictures.
Dwellinggawker:  I don't have a house, I don't have anything to make beautiful, but I can NOT stop looking at ideas of what I might want to do for my dream home.

So, I am sorry I am not posting (all 2 of my readers)...I will become more disciplined and stop hitting the STUMBLE button!  Just after this next hit.

We like to Party, we like we like to Party

My baby is about to turn 9 months old...

...so I am doing what every mother would be doing...


PLANNING HER 1st BIRTHDAY!!!!


I am trying to come up with some cute themes, and I need some help.

My family calls her monkey baby, so I was going to do monkeys.  (However, my sister in law is kinda claiming them for her son (who is a few months younger than Cdubs).)  But then monkeys are not very girlie...and this baby is def. more monkey like.

Then I saw a really pretty theme called, "You are my Sunshine."  While yellow is not Cdubs best color, I still like it.  But it might be too summery for November.  All that yellow next to the beige of the GA after thanksgiving...CLASH!

And then Kdubs suggested a 'round the world theme, which I brushed off as "too adult."  But then I thought it would be super fun to do a "Where in the World is Cdubs?" ala Carmen Sandiego and dress her up in a red trench coat.  While, I like this idea...it might be better for birthday #2 because we will have finished our travels then.

Have you seen any cute girl themes that aren't too girly? 

A lot of the other ones I've liked would be great for when she is older--tea party, fairies, etc. 

I just want something cute and colorful.

Open to suggestions below.

Brain Mish Mash

I have about 3 posts that I need to finish and post, so until I can commit to them, I figured I would just go through a few things that are going through my mind:

• I recently started a new part time job.  It is only 10 hours a week, but it seems to be taking up all my nap time.  Until I can get a handle on things, my apartment is totally suffering.
• #1 on that suffering list: Laundry.  I have been struggling for almost 2 months to get a handle on our laundry from the first two weeks of traveling.  But having a washer/dryer combo means that I can only put 1 sheet or 3 pairs of pants in at atime.
• This, however, does not explain why I can't keep up with folding the clothes.  That is just me being lazy.
• I could really go for a Twizzler right now.
• I am also re-watching the first few seasons of How I Met Your Mother...happiness reigns in my tv life.
• The baby is getting really big!  She is crawling...well more like army-crawling/inch-worming.  She is babbling more and more, but her favorite is still Da-da-da-da.  
• I am loving introducing her to solid foods.  We have tackled a lot of purees (zucchini and peas with mint, mixed vegetables with italian seasoning, apples and cinnamon), finger foods (bananas, avocados, bits of toast).  And we are thinking about starting on some yogurt and/or soy beans.  
• I still love breast-feeding, but she is getting less and less enamored with it.  She will nurse for shorter and shorter amounts of time, and she does not always want to nurse to sleep.  
• She sometimes even wants to sleep on her own (with minimal crying).  Every so often, she will cry so much that I can then nurse her down.  
• I dread the weaning process that has obvious started.
• I am loving this Tracey Porter dinnerware. But I am not sure if it is a little over-the-top.
• 33 days until we come home to Atlanta.
• Living in Vienna is starting to grow on me, but I am still so excited to go home I can barely stand it!
• I made red beans & rice from scratch this week...and now I have "Baby Got Back" in my head!

One more year of my 20s

Tonight, I am in the capital of Slovakia, Bratislava, and am about to start the last year of my 20s. I have never been a person who dreads getting older. I have gray hairs (I call them Kdub hairs, since they magically appeared after I met him)...I have never had a lithe or perfect body...

But one thing has hit me, this eve of my last year of my 20s, pregnancy and childbirth have made me feel and look old!

My hair is crazy looking. Because I won't try and get my hair colored in German I have awful gray roots...I am suffering from the worst bout of baby bangs I have ever seen! and I got the worst haircut of all times before I left. Lets just say no coloring, straightening, conditioning or whatever will fix all that is going on here!

My body feels not like my own. I didn't expect to be Heidi Klum and look normal after a month. I have actually lost a lot of the weight. My clothes mostly fit, they just don't fit right. I have a pooch which I have never had before...breastfeeding has made parts shift...and my skin is definitely not glowing (maybe it is the lack of the pregnancy glow). Too add insult to injury, I have developed carpal tunnel and an ankle sprain that prevents working out.

I feel like the hormones are leaving my body and making me feel "normal," but who the heck knows what normal is anymore.

So here is my resolution for the last year of my 20s. To come to a balance of diet and exercise that looks "effortless," esp to Cdubs. I don't want her to grow up with me obsessed with having to fix myself and I don't want to pass onto her my self-critical nature.

Of course, how critical can I be, sitting in my hotel bathroom (because Cdubs is sleeping in the main room), drinking a Zlatý Bažant beer with Kdubs and eating french fries from room service and some sort of Slovak dessert that may actually be goose liver pate.

Anyways, this is me saying...happy birthday self...you went through a hell of a lot this past year and you made it...congrats. Now buck up and let's blow #29 out of the water.